EngerPark10Everyone who talks about the past can probably start out with the same sentiment, “Things were so different when I was growing up!” because pretty much, it’s true, for all of us. Times change, people change, cultures and societies…they all change.

That said, I wanted to let you know I’m going to be changing things in this space. It’ll get a bit more colorful, both visually and textually. As I step out in obedience to what I feel God is calling me to I have a sneaking suspicion He’s got change in mind. Opening up more, talking about more intimate things of my life now and then, sharing all kinds of things that I haven’t in the past, and in ways I haven’t shared before.

I’ve wanted this to be a quiet place, a welcoming and peaceful place, safe. Those are still my goals but that is only one side of me. I’ve actually been known to have the loudest laugh in the room, my wit isn’t too shabby either and I’d like to share those sides of me as well. I have no idea how that will look, to be honest. I don’t think it’ll get too crazy around here, but it will start to show more of who I am…

I’m starting to look at this space more like an empty canvas. In my hand awaits a full palette of all the colors, patiently ready for their turn to be chosen. I feel like an apprentice to a Master painter, eager to learn what He’ll teach me, excitement building inside me as we create works of art together.

I don’t think it’ll get too crazy around here, but it will start to show more of who I am…and that’s what makes me a bit nervous BUT…

I’m pressing on. 

It’s so much easier to do this sort of thing in real life, face to face, don’t you think? I think real relationships happen that way, you know, in real life. When we can see emotions in someone’s eyes, hear inflections in their voice, feel their personality…that’s reality, and real community. Those are the things that build real friendships; being real with real people, which, I am a lot better at, frankly. I feel like I’m all thumbs typing away at this plastic keyboard. Ever feel like that?

It’s awkward, at best, to hug a computer screen, challenging to completely understand someone’s heart in one dimension parameters. Sound bites don’t make up an entire person, nor reveal who they truly are. I would much rather sit across from you at my dining room table while we snack on pumpkin bars with cream cheese frosting, trying to remember our manners as we laugh, crumbs spilling everywhere because we’re giggling like school girls. Now that, that sounds pretty wonderful to me. *warm fuzzies*!

Alas, here we are, in this technology saturated world, trying to connect with whomever our path crosses, hoping to find someone who can understand and relate to us, our lives, our world. I’m not begrudging it, not really. I’ve met some amazing friends online who have blessed my socks off and I can honestly say I love them. But those relationships are hard to maintain and I’m simply noting that it’s very possible the most rewarding relationships we could have in our lives may only be 50 feet away and not 500 miles. Maybe?

It can be tricky to build a relationship through a computer screen, but I’m willing to commit to trying if you are. I’m willing to put myself out there for our friendship if it means you will feel like someone cares, someone thinks of you, someone thinks your worth the time and effort, someone sees you. I know what it’s like to feel alone and invisible. I’m learning what it’s like to live beyond that, in a world where someone notices when you’re not there and it matters to them. Really, truly matters to them.

This place really does exist.

(For the record, you really, truly matter to me. I see you. I understand you. We can find our way out of the darkness together, with the light that’s been given by the God of the universe, the only light that never fades or burns out.)

I’m willing to be honest with you, let myself be vulnerable in front of you, share the odd, funny and quirky things about me, all in the hopes that you will see the one thing that fills me full of joy and hope: my relationship with Jesus Christ. He alone completes and sustains me. I hope, over time, as our relationship grows, you will see that.

For now, I will be praying for you. I will be thinking of you and I will ask God to reveal Himself to you in ways that could only be from Him so you can see how amazing He is and how much you matter to Him. His love for you is deeper than the deepest, higher than the highest and truer than the truest.

This is my prayer for us:

“For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height–to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him, who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask and think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”   ~Ephesians 3:14-21

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Ann Dunagan October 22, 2014 at 9:39 am

Traci! This is a great post. I love that I’ve met you in real-life. Cause you’re awesome!!!


Traci November 18, 2014 at 10:52 am

Thank you so much, Ann! I love that we’ve met in real life as well. You’ve blessed me a lot!


Julie Hulstein November 12, 2014 at 6:14 pm

One of my favorite Bible passages! What a great prayer!


Traci November 18, 2014 at 10:53 am

Thank you, Julie. I’ve always felt everything goes back to the Word. When we aren’t sure what to pray, pray the Word!!


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