From the category archives:

fear

Technically, my “vacation” started this spring, on Tuesday, March 26th, after we said “see you later” to our miracle baby. The burden of grief was so deep, so heavy. It came right on the heels of still recovering from losing the baby boy we were going to adopt. I knew the only place to find […]

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Today is Wednesday. I have been procrastinating again. I’m not being very “Courageous”. I’m supposed to be opening up my life for you to see into it. It still freaks me out. I’m afraid I’ll say something wrong. I’m afraid I’ll say something stupid. I’m afraid what I say won’t matter to anyone. I’m afraid […]

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For me, there are 2 sides to this time of year. There’s this side: Cookie making Hot cocoa sipping Fireplace blazing Slipper wearing Snowflakes falling Family gathering Tradition keeping Duct tape wrapping Carol singing Advent remembering… And then there’s this side: The side of me that I hide. I don’t want to be a burden, […]

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I wrote this on November 27th, while sick in bed, after I had been reading Ann Voskamp’s book, “One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are“. I haven’t edited anything. This is what rose in my heart as I neared the end of the book… ************************************ I’m a self-centered, idolatrous hoarder […]

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It’s Like Finding A Box

by Traci on November 8, 2012

in real life,healing,freedom,fear

It’s hard to face your past. It’s like finding a box, tucked away in the back of your closet you forgot was there. You recognize it, but can’t really remember all that’s in it. It’s been so long, what would be the harm in looking? Besides, I wonder if there’s anything good in there? There […]

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Mostly, I’ve been a procrastinator because of my perfectionism. This time, I’m a procrastinator because I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to NOT be a homeschooling mama. I don’t want to NOT be a teaching mama. I don’t want to NOT be who I’ve been for the last 19 years. I don’t […]

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Listless words linger in my mind. Half-thoughts swirling around innermost parts. Sentences start, quickly fade, their endings unknown. Imaged impressions float through hazed vastness, just out of reach. Stretching out, trying to grasp anything, only to pull my hand back, empty. Trying to shake them off, deliberate discouragements, carefully chosen, trigger my flesh. Familiar emotions […]

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